Coming Out Isn’t Always Easy but It’s Worth It.

I knew since I was six years old.  Six.  I had a crush on my sister’s softball coach, whom also happened to be my neighbor.  Being so young, I had no idea what I was actually feeling.  You know, when you’re a kid, you just live in the moment without questioning things.  I, however, intuitively knew that it wasn’t exactly considered the ‘norm’ in Catholic school or even society.

As I grew up, I had been attracted to men with random attractions to women. I had my first boyfriend at 16 years old, and although I cared about him, it didn’t feel authentic. I stuffed down my “mini crushes” for women here and there and carried on. I had convinced myself that it was the right thing to do for myself, for my family and friends, and for God.  I had so many beliefs that I was not worthy of love because I was attracted to women.

It wasn’t until I went to college where I decided I couldn’t hide anymore.  I was never a promiscuous college student, but I had my fair share of nights making out with men solely to hide my deeper curiosities and knowings.  I felt like I was avoiding women while at the same time wanting to put myself out there and date.  It was almost like living a secret life, only I was the one who put myself in that prison.

When I did come out, at 20 years old, it felt surreal.  One of my best friends outright asked me, and not long after that, I was sitting on my bed talking to my mom about my sexuality.  I could remember my mom crying out of worry that I would be bullied or possibly harmed.  My dad wasn’t so concerned, but then again, he isn’t a man of many words.  My sister was supportive as well as my extended family and friends.

I have to say I am extremely lucky.  I did not lose anyone in my life because I identify as a lesbian.  If anything, I feel it strengthened my bonds with my family and friends — not because I am gay — but because I started to become my true, authentic self.

If I had to give anyone advice about coming out, it would be this: Come out when you are ready, but don’t hide for too long.  It eats away at you as time goes on.  I understand the desire to stay hidden, but true liberation occurs when you free yourself from your fears and judgments.

No matter who you love, you are always worthy of love.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s